Being the mother of a NICU mother.

I don’t know what’s harder being the mother of a premie in the NICU or being the grandmother of a premie in NICU. I am the grandmother of a 1-week old granddaughter that was born at 35 weeks. She has been diagnosed with a vascular ring and Esophageal atresia. She has already had one surgery and she will need three or four more. Which means we will be here for about four months. That little bitty 4-pound body is attached to 7 machines and an aspirator because she cannot swallow. I worry about my granddaughter, but I also worry about my daughter, Marjorie. My heart breaks daily. I see the worry on her face about her daughter. I see her questioning herself and her ability to help out and take care of her daughter. I watch her tear up and cry every time my granddaughter is in pain. But I know I can’t cry with her. I know I have to be calm and place hands on her and help guide her through the pain. I watch her watching Autumn’s monitors and making sure every reading is where it should be. I see the guilt she feels when she’s not at the hospital and I see her exhaustion in the evening when I’m driving her home; but I also see her pushing forward and pressing on. She never complains. She doesn’t complain about pumping every three hours. She doesn’t complain about not being able to be home in her own bed because she has chosen to stay closer to the hospital. She doesn’t complain about having to wait to get in to see her daughter while the nurses are checking and flushing her lines and aspirator. I see a mother who has overcome 5 days of labor that they could not stop, and who refused pain killers. I see a warrior who with little sleep and still in pain from her c-section spends every day and most evenings with her daughter. I see a woman learning about her child’s diagnosis and who is determined to be able to take care of her no matter how much it hurts her. And it does hurt. It’s hard changing her diaper with the tubes and wires is hard. It’s hard to help flush her iv while she cries and screams. I see a woman learning how to stay calm and do what needs to be done for her child.

A true warrior.

A Mother