Self-Love. What is it and how do we obtain it?

Self-love seems to be the ultimate goal today and people have different ways of trying to achieve it. Some focus on the outside while others use various affirmations techniques and still others jump from relationship to relationship looking for that acceptance from others and unconditional love that they are unable to give themselves. though these may be instantly gratifying it is not the pure essence of self-love which is acceptance. And the acceptance has to be the acceptance of your total self. You don’t have to love everything about yourself, but you need to be able to accept yourself, the good and bad; your strengthens and your weakness’.

There are a few things you can do to help yourself achieve self-love and self-acceptance.

1. The number one way to maintain true self-love is to get rid of the negative talk. The easiest way is to talk to yourself as you would a child. Would you tell a child they were not good enough or smart enough or worthy? So why do you keep telling yourself that? Change your dialogue with yourself be gentler on yourself. I don’t expect you to look and the mirror and smile and say “You are perfect!” but you can look into the mirror and accept yourself scars, flaws and all because that what makes you beautiful.
2. Focus on what you need rather than what you want. Your needs will help center and ground you
3. Practice Self-care. Take time to yourself and give yourself what you need. This can be a long bath, an afternoon with a good book, time doing what you like.
4. Stay away from negativity. Surround yourself with positive people who lift you up and don’t bring you down. You will find as you begin to find your center and your own self-acceptance some of your friends will become uncomfortable and the micro-aggressions will begin. Don’t allow it to set your boundaries and protect yourself.
5. Learn to say no without feeling guilty. As soon as you start setting your boundaries and saying no you will find out who your real friends are because your real friends will respect you and your boundaries a frenemy will try and make you feel guilty. Don’t fall for it you’re doing what you need to do for your well-being.
6. Live with intention. Set your intention and stay focused on it. If your intention is to be healthier don’t put yourself in a situation where you will be tempted. If you are focused on changing your career and/or going back to school take the steps necessary to move forward and obtain those goals. By doing this you will be happier with yourself.
7. Most importantly become mindful. Work on yourself to the point that you are fully aware of what you are thinking, feeling, and wanting and act on it.

Through all of this don’t let others undermine you or your intent, and don’t engage with them. After all, we all know that everyone has an opinion.

Author: Lei Rhyne, LPC, NCC, CHt.

Life can weigh you down, it can be overwhelming when you are juggling loved ones, children, work, parents, trauma, grief, loss, major life changes, etc. It can make you feel as if you are carrying the world on your shoulders and sometimes you need someone to help you unload it, explore it, and release it. My approach is one of guidance. My goal is to guide you through your struggles and pain and back to your true authentic self. I am an integrated therapist who believes in treating the mind, body, and soul using various theories and techniques. I help my clients explore their feelings, challenges, and behaviors and discover where they are stemming from. I guide my clients through acknowledging those feelings and reactions and work on changing the behaviors and bringing them to a place of acceptance. I use a variety of techniques including person-centered, solution-focused, cognitive behavior therapy, expressive art therapy, meditation, brainspotting, and psychodynamics. I have created a holistic and safe environment for you to unload your worries and fears. I believe that every person is worthy of acceptance and peace and I strive to help you meet your fullest protentional and embrace your uniqueness. View all posts by Lei Rhyne, LPC, NCC, CHt.