Women Supporting Women

Women supporting Women. Some refer to it as a tribe, a pack, or a sisterhood. They can be of any race, religion, or sexual origin but the one thing they have is mutual love and admiration for one another. My tribe is a group of strong, independent women who lift me up when I am down and keep me in line when I stray. I find myself drawn to women who have fought their way through pain and struggles and are mindful. They have learned how to set boundaries but somehow still make time for others. These women challenge me to be a better person and to take inventory of myself. They listen to me complain and they are the shoulders I cry on.  They don’t judge me or my beliefs and I don’t judge theirs. They are mindful, they are empaths and they are my backbone. They are my safe space and they are knowledgeable. I feel as though there is nothing I cannot accomplish because I know they’ve got my back.

During my years as an educator and a mentor, I have seen many girls and women sacrifice their voices and themselves for the sake of being part of a group of females who they thought was their tribe just to find out it was all a facade. I recently had one friend who realized that the women who she thought were her friends were just a cliché. They went to wine tastings, they traveled together, and they played tennis together and she loved them. She thought she was in the perfect group until she wanted to do something different. She explained to me “I thought they were my friends. We were popular, we always had fun together and everyone wanted to hang out with us, and then I realized those relationships were a one-way street. And I started picking up on the nasty comments and the toxic environment.  There was always drama and it became draining. And when I told them about my plan to open a non-profit, I became the butt of their jokes and was ridiculed for my beliefs.” What my friend was dealing with was a group of women who had their own self-esteem issues and baggage, and was projecting them onto her. It really wasn’t about her as much as it was about them.

Her dream was to leave the executive position she had held for 10 years and start a non-profit advocating for children in the lower socioeconomic group in Atlanta. They actually told her that her idea was ridiculous and that it was the stupidest idea they had ever heard. When really what they were probably thinking was ‘Damn I wish I had the guts to leave my job and start a business or I wished my husband would support me leaving my job.’  

During that time, she became more self-conscious and withdrawn. She stopped sharing her goals and dreams because she didn’t want them to be torn apart and trashed. You see her beliefs and ideas didn’t fit into their so-called “norm” and they made sure she was aware of it. She started experiencing negative thoughts such as “I am such an idiot for thinking I could start a non-profit. I don’t know anything about advocacy work. Whatever made me think I could do that?”

When she shared all of this with me over brunch, I immediately became angry. I was angry with the women who had taken my friend and made her start second-guessing herself and I was kind of angry with her as well for not telling me about it sooner. I told her it wasn’t her goals that were ridiculous, it was the people questioning her goals that were ridiculous and the only thing holding her back was herself! She agreed; She realized that these women had robbed her of her voice, her beliefs, and her dreams, and she couldn’t let it keep happening. So, she stopped accepting invitations out with the group and started focusing on her goals and herself. I’m not going to lie, at first it wasn’t always easy for her. She had been with this group for several years but eventually, the time she took for herself brought like-minded people to her; other women who shared her beliefs and passion.

We spoke again just last week and she shared with me that she now understands what I meant by having a tribe and a sisterhood. Now her time with her friends is spent having conversations that are raw and real. They laugh, they cry, they share their fears and they lift one another up. She quit the job that she hated and is now working with underprivileged children in Atlanta. She comes home every night exhausted and sometimes frustrated but she says she is more fulfilled than she ever has been.  So, let me ask do you have cliche or do you have a sisterhood? Do the people you surround yourself with lift you up or do they tear you down?

If you’re with a group of people tearing you down, step out of the group, refocus on yourself and watch the people who begin to enter into your life. Because when you begin to surround yourself with the people who lift you up you will accomplish amazing things.