This summer I will be hosting a workshop at the Artpreneur Conference in Peachtree City.
Come Join Me!
Calling all ARTIST!!!!
Painters – photographers – musicians – illustrators – animators – There is something here for everyone.
FAACE will be hosting an ARTpreneur Workshop and Conference on June 17th & 18th. This event is for any artist desiring knowledge on selling, marketing, copywriting, and/or licensing their art, or becoming an expressive art facilitator.
Ah, the New Year. A time when most of us make lists of things we want to change, things we want to do, and goals we want to accomplish. I’ve spent the last few days looking back on 2021. For me, it was a whirlwind, and I accomplished a lot. I finished my second Master’s in Mental Health Counseling, I passed the CPCE and the NCE, I was offered a position working with a therapist that I genuinely admire, and we sold our house and moved to another city for that position. Out of everything I accomplished, the one thing that keeps resonating with me is that I never quit, and I never gave up; I believed in myself enough to know I could accomplish my goals. Now I can sit here and tell you to make your list, and be mindful and do your visualization and start creating habits, and all of those skills are helpful and they work.
However, there is one thing you have to start with and that is
Believing in yourself
If I can give you anything to take into 2022 its this
It’s been 10 months since I posted on my blog and I have really missed it. The last year has been a whirlwind and I’m not one to give myself credit; in fact, I really don’t like having attention drawn to me, but I have to say that I am prouder of myself than I probably have ever been. Last week I completed my Master’s degree in Clinical and Mental Health Counseling and it was one of the most challenging tasks I have ever completed. There are times when I look back, and I wonder how I made my way through the last few years and how I kept going, but I did it. I fought tooth and nail, and for every grade I got, and I did it! So, I’m going to take a little time and share with you why I am celebrating ME!
I graduated with my Master’s in Clinical and Mental Health Counseling last week, and it has been overwhelming for me. This journey has been one of the most demanding tasks I have ever completed. I started working on this degree in the Fall of 2017, and I had to overcome a few obstacles to achieve it. In the Fall of 2018, we found out my daughter had a high-risk pregnancy. In October 2018, I had a stroke, and I finished that semester in February and made my one and only B. I have given myself grace for that B, and it is the ONLY B I made. In the spring of 2019, my granddaughter was born with complications and spent four months in NICU. I spent those months with my daughter at my mom’s and the Ronald McDonald House. At the same time my school closed and I had to find a new school. I spent the summer applying and interviewing and searching for a college that would take most of my credits. West Georgia was two hours away, and I would spend the next year going from my office in Johns Creek and Stockbridge to Carrollton for classes. Thank you, Brooke Jones, for working with me. There were so many days I couldn’t bring myself to drive back, and I would stay with friends who were close to Carrollton. Thank you LeighAnn and BeBe. In 2020 I continued my courses via zoom during a pandemic and racial unrest. In 2021 I held down a full-time internship while still commuting to Carrollton for classes, working as a Lead Intern, helping with a buildout, selling our home, purging and selling/donating all of our furniture, moving to Newnan, and passed my CPCE. Thank you, to my husband and children who were always there to support me, through my late study nights. I also began my Play Therapy certification and my Expressive Art Certification, and I interviewed with multiple practices and supervisors and started my application for licensure. I was blessed to get an offer from my first choice, The Serenity Tree in Peachtree City! I dug in for this degree, and I have fought harder than ever to complete it with a 3.98 GPA (Damn B). Not once did I ever think about quitting, not once did I think about giving up. It overwhelms me to look back at the challenges and obstacles I have overcome, and I am DAMN PROUD of myself.
Being able to put your biases aside and understand a person or their situation is an art that has to be practiced. Once you are able to understand another’s pain, conflict or struggles then you will be understood. Today I challenge you to put your beliefs to the side and try to understand someone else. When you can do this a whole new world will open up to you.
Trauma: Trauma can be created by injury, witnessing a traumatic event, sexual violation, or a natural disaster. It can be a single episode or it can be prolonged exposure with multiple violations. It can be created by a known offender or a stranger, and it can present itself in many different ways. An individual who has experienced trauma can disassociated or have a fear of intimacy. They could have trust issues or suffer from loneliness and isolation. They could struggle with alterations of cognitions and/or moods. They can be irritable or aggressive or have reckless and/or self-destructive tendencies.
Where you see a moody, angry troublemaker I see a hurt inner-child. I see a child that has been taken advantage of and abused. I see a child who trusted someone and that person betrayed their trust. I see a child who has built a wall thick enough so no one will ever be able to hurt them again; and when they lash out, I see it as a test. Yes, a test because that person has been abandoned by so many others that in their mind, they are thinking well you’re just going to leave me too so let’s just make it happen now.
I have tried for so many years to explain this to people and the response I usually get is ‘no he’s just a troublemaker, he doesn’t care, she’s just crazy, she’s just destructive etc.’ It has been so frustrating to explain how trauma presents to some people. This weekend I was watching Moana with my granddaughter and the last scene of the movie was the perfect metaphor for meeting a trauma client where they are. Te Fiti is charging towards Moana. Te Fiti is enflamed and full of rage and anger Moana remains calm and says
I have crossed the horizon to find you
I know your name
They have stolen the heart from inside you
But this does not define you
This is not who you are
You know who you are
Who you truly are
And after replacing Ti Fiti’s heart the rocks and walls around Ti Fiti shatter and her true self emerges.
Let me explain pain to you. True pain can stem from trauma, depression, oppression and anxiety and it can present as defiance, anger, or disconnection. That impatient lady behind you in the checkout line, her daughter has been in accident and she is afraid of losing her. That family member who snapped at you is feeling overwhelmed with worry; and that single mother who bit your head off she is a domestic violence survivor who is living paycheck to paycheck and skipping meals so her child can eat.
My job (our job) is to see through that anger and see the pain that lies beneath it.
I’m challenging you this week to look beyond the anger and the “rudeness” and see the pain, reach out and send up a prayer for them. Don’t give them what they are expecting (which is to be rude back to them) give them the unexpected and send them love.
Stay Safe my peeps and remember to Love one another
Women supporting Women. Some refer to it as a tribe, a pack, or a sisterhood. They can be of any race, religion, or sexual origin but the one thing they have is mutual love and admiration for one another. My tribe is a group of strong, independent women who lift me up when I am down and keep me in line when I stray. I find myself drawn to women who have fought their way through pain and struggles and are mindful. They have learned how to set boundaries but somehow still make time for others. These women challenge me to be a better person and to take inventory of myself. They listen to me complain and they are the shoulders I cry on. They don’t judge me or my beliefs and I don’t judge theirs. They are mindful, they are empaths and they are my backbone. They are my safe space and they are knowledgeable. I feel as though there is nothing I cannot accomplish because I know they’ve got my back.
During my years as an educator and a mentor, I have seen many girls and women sacrifice their voices and themselves for the sake of being part of a group of females who they thought was their tribe just to find out it was all a facade. I recently had one friend who realized that the women who she thought were her friends were just a cliché. They went to wine tastings, they traveled together, and they played tennis together and she loved them. She thought she was in the perfect group until she wanted to do something different. She explained to me “I thought they were my friends. We were popular, we always had fun together and everyone wanted to hang out with us, and then I realized those relationships were a one-way street. And I started picking up on the nasty comments and the toxic environment. There was always drama and it became draining. And when I told them about my plan to open a non-profit, I became the butt of their jokes and was ridiculed for my beliefs.” What my friend was dealing with was a group of women who had their own self-esteem issues and baggage, and was projecting them onto her. It really wasn’t about her as much as it was about them.
Her dream was to leave the executive position she had held for 10 years and start a non-profit advocating for children in the lower socioeconomic group in Atlanta. They actually told her that her idea was ridiculous and that it was the stupidest idea they had ever heard. When really what they were probably thinking was ‘Damn I wish I had the guts to leave my job and start a business or I wished my husband would support me leaving my job.’
During that time, she became more self-conscious and withdrawn. She stopped sharing her goals and dreams because she didn’t want them to be torn apart and trashed. You see her beliefs and ideas didn’t fit into their so-called “norm” and they made sure she was aware of it. She started experiencing negative thoughts such as “I am such an idiot for thinking I could start a non-profit. I don’t know anything about advocacy work. Whatever made me think I could do that?”
When she shared all of this with me over brunch, I immediately became angry. I was angry with the women who had taken my friend and made her start second-guessing herself and I was kind of angry with her as well for not telling me about it sooner. I told her it wasn’t her goals that were ridiculous, it was the people questioning her goals that were ridiculous and the only thing holding her back was herself! She agreed; She realized that these women had robbed her of her voice, her beliefs, and her dreams, and she couldn’t let it keep happening. So, she stopped accepting invitations out with the group and started focusing on her goals and herself. I’m not going to lie, at first it wasn’t always easy for her. She had been with this group for several years but eventually, the time she took for herself brought like-minded people to her; other women who shared her beliefs and passion.
We spoke again just last week and she shared with me that she now understands what I meant by having a tribe and a sisterhood. Now her time with her friends is spent having conversations that are raw and real. They laugh, they cry, they share their fears and they lift one another up. She quit the job that she hated and is now working with underprivileged children in Atlanta. She comes home every night exhausted and sometimes frustrated but she says she is more fulfilled than she ever has been. So, let me ask do you have cliche or do you have a sisterhood? Do the people you surround yourself with lift you up or do they tear you down?
If you’re with a group of people tearing you down, step out of the group, refocus on yourself and watch the people who begin to enter into your life. Because when you begin to surround yourself with the people who lift you up you will accomplish amazing things.
So, as you may have noticed I’ve been MIA for the last few months, or maybe you didn’t and that’s ok. I think we are all in our own little bubble these days, but I feel guilty about it. Like many of you, this pandemic has been hard on me. I lost two friends who meant the world to me and I couldn’t be with their families to grieve. I saw two of my friends lose their sons and again I couldn’t be there for them. I couldn’t hold them, I couldn’t sit with them, I have truly never felt so helpless. Then the deaths of Breonna Taylor, and George Floyd and the political unrest was overwhelmingly painful to watch and take in. And let’s add to that the fact that I’m still chugging along in my counseling classes.
Which for those of you who have not been through a counseling program if it’s done right and you’re in the right place it is just as challenging as being in counseling if not more. There’s a lot of growth that happens in those classrooms and I spent the summer quarantined and taking an assessment class, an advocacy class, and a multicultural class all via zoom. My emotions were so raw this summer that I cried at just about every zoom meeting. I was feeling the frustration, the fear, and pain that our nation is going through, and with the loss of friends and being isolated it took a toll on me. So, what did I do? I doubled down on appointments with my therapist and I focused on self-care and I leaned on others and I set boundaries. I did shadow work, I got outside as much as I could, I planted a garden, I played with my granddaughter. I took time to myself and I allowed myself to walk through the pain. I allowed myself to be vulnerable. I didn’t hold anything back from anyone, and now I am coming out of it. I’m coming out of that dark lonely place and I am rising again. This time stronger. This time more focused. So, get ready. I’m back and I’ve got a lot to say.
If you’re still in that dark place and struggling to get out keep moving forward my friend. Contact a therapist, take time for yourself, and allow yourself time to process, grieve, and heal because you will emerge in the end. I promise you will.
So, tell me how have you been holding up during this time of pain and turmoil? Are you holding up? Do you need to refocus and recollect yourself?
Lei Rhyne, LPC, NCC, CHt 