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I know this is a difficult time for many people but we have to remember we do have choices. I personally choose to take this time and focus on my home, my family and myself. I choose to be grateful for having my family with me and having food and shelter. I choose to stay centered and focus on the positive. I choose to only watch the news once a day and not to allow the media to take my peace away and replace it with anxiety. I choose to follow the CDC guidelines in order to keep myself and my family and others safe. We all have choices, you can choose to be angry and bitter and defiant but your wasting good energy that could be focused on other things and people who need you. If you are quarantined without your family use Marco Polo or zoom or skype to reach out to them. If you’re bored there are several classes being held online now and some are even free. Need a project? Several hobby and craft stores ship their merchandise. Out of a job? Amazon and a few other companies are hiring for online account reps. So set a schedule and make a list of what you are lacking and what you need, and then activate that list, and stay safe my friends.
#mindfulness
#graditude
#coronavirus2020 #yourchoice

I’ve been quiet for a while, and when I’m quiet you know I’m going through something, and I’m processing it. I wish I could blog and write and share the things I am going through as I’m going through them, but it doesn’t work that way for me. I’ve always admired the bloggers who can share everything on their blog, the good, the bad, the painful. It speaks volumes to others but when I’m going through a change I retreat and contemplate and I analyze. I also hold it close to me because I don’t want to share it with anyone until I understand it myself.

So, let me back up, when I was younger, I was a very free spirit, my daughter tells people I was actually a granola mom. I had a garden, I only ate organic foods, I made their baby food, and we did not have soda or sugar in our house. The only cookies in my house were graham crackers and vanilla wafers. My conservative friends would introduce me as their “liberal” friend. And then I got my M.Ed. and I became the director of a school for children with learning differences. I shifted to a more staunch, conservative person. Then I became a psychometrist and was still very conservative in my thought, appearance, and dress; because that is the perception society has for educators and data analyst and I jumped right into the mold. For the last 18 months I have been working towards my counseling degree and during this time I have been rediscovering myself, and that little ole hippie is beginning to resurface, and I realized how much I have missed her. So, forgive me if I seem a little out of sorts and unsure about things at this time, but I am going through a phase of rediscovery and I am rededicating myself to me and my purpose, and I am not the same person I was 5-years ago.

This time of rediscovering is about self-awareness and transformation, and that is the topic for this month. Transformation.

Transformation – what is it and how do we obtain it?

Transformation is defined as a thorough or dramatic change, convert, a major change in form, nature, or function. Basically, it’s not staying the same, and studies have shown that our bodies and minds change every seven years, but sometimes there is a resistance to change because of our environment or fear. Fear of the unknown of what this new you will be like and will our friends and family approve. I’m going to be honest with you; you just may lose some friends along the way, and your family may become a little uncomfortable with your transformation. Things you were so clear about in the past will become fuzzy and you will go through a phase of uncertainty but that’s good. Question yourself. Question your actions. Question others’ actions and focus on becoming a higher thinker and more authentic.

What I want you to focus on this month is You finding You! Let’s start by imagining the person you feel you are and compare it to how others see you. Slowly start allowing the real you shine through. While meditating imagine that person inside you shining through the small cracks of your physical body, she’s fighting to get out, she’s tired of being locked it, she’s tired of being quiet. Allow her vulnerability to show through and all her authenticity to shine. Allow yourself to transform and watch what happens around you; watch your environment change, what your views and opinions change, watch your circle of friends change; and embrace it.

This means everything. I mean we all go through difficult times. I don’t know one person who can say they haven’t gone through a difficult stage in their life. What makes the difference is how you handle those times. Are you able to deal with them with positivity and accept them, do you fight to change them, or do you blame others and wallow in your pity? Don’t get me wrong we all have times when we have felt helpless and sorry for ourselves and that’s ok. You need that time to recognize and acknowledge the severity of the situation you are dealing with and release that pain, but as the saying goes “Don’t Stay There.” Pick yourself up, work on your gratitude list, journal your frustrations, make a list of things that are in your control and work towards completing your list.

Happy February!! The month of Love and for me, it’s the month of Gratitude. So this month is all about being thankful. I know most people do the gratitude thing in November, but let’s be honest I’m just not like most people. 😊

Gratitude: Psychology Today defines gratitude as “an emotion expressing appreciation for what one has,” and the one thing I love is A Gratitude List. I love them! Gratitude lists are good at helping us focus on the positive and not the negative. They can shift our paradigm. For example, you may not have the biggest or fanciest house in the neighborhood, but you have a house and you are able to take that house and transform it into a home. During those times when you are down and frustrated take the time and create your gratitude list. Because as bad as things are, they truly can be worse, right? Let me give you an example. If you have read some of my previous blogs you know that in April my daughter went into preterm labor and gave birth to a 4-pound 4-ounce baby girl. Now I’m going to be honest with you, this little girl came into this world with several medical problems. So far, she has had four surgeries and numerous procedures and after 98 days in NICU, we were able to bring her home. It would be very easy for us to look at all the negatives, the complications, and the struggles, and the pain she has incurred but we don’t. Instead, we choose to focus on how far she has come, how much she has overcome and how sweet, smart and funny she is. I even have family and friends who will start off a conversation with me and say “Oh I am so sorry about your granddaughter it must be so hard, it’s so sad, she’s been through so much.” At which time I want to roll my eyes and let out a resounding “UGGGHHH!!” but I don’t instead I kindly reply “You’re right it has been challenging, but she made it through, and yes we have a few more surgeries to go but she is meeting her goals and making strides every day. She is a very sweet and strong little girl and we are so blessed to have her here with us.” This is where your gratitude list can shift your paradigm. Would you like to focus on the negative and dwell on the past of what happened or would you like to be present in today? Because if you have to look back then look back at where you have been and how far you have come. Look at all the positivity that has come out of your situation. And I know what you’re thinking well not every situation is easy to overcome, and you may be right. But even Christopher Reeds said “Some people are walking around with full use of their bodies and they’re more paralyzed than I am” and he’s right. There are people who allow the negativity to take over their lives and immobilize them because they don’t think they are good enough, strong enough, or have enough money, etc. but you can’t let that stop you. You have to stop looking at all the things you don’t have and focus on what you do have. Be grateful for your family, and your home. Be grateful for the outdoors and the sunsets and the peace you find in the woods. You can even take any situation or setting and you can make it negative or positive. It’s your choice. So, when you find you are in that negative space or in the middle of a lot of negative talk going on inside of your head make your gratitude list and be thankful. Be thankful for a new day and another chance and the loved ones that surround you.

If negativity is something you struggle with then I challenge you to make a gratitude list every day, even if it’s just one thing you can be grateful for and write it down.

May you find peace in today

 

 

Self-love seems to be the ultimate goal today and people have different ways of trying to achieve it. Some focus on the outside while others use various affirmations techniques and still others jump from relationship to relationship looking for that acceptance from others and unconditional love that they are unable to give themselves. though these may be instantly gratifying it is not the pure essence of self-love which is acceptance. And the acceptance has to be the acceptance of your total self. You don’t have to love everything about yourself, but you need to be able to accept yourself, the good and bad; your strengthens and your weakness’.

There are a few things you can do to help yourself achieve self-love and self-acceptance.

1. The number one way to maintain true self-love is to get rid of the negative talk. The easiest way is to talk to yourself as you would a child. Would you tell a child they were not good enough or smart enough or worthy? So why do you keep telling yourself that? Change your dialogue with yourself be gentler on yourself. I don’t expect you to look and the mirror and smile and say “You are perfect!” but you can look into the mirror and accept yourself scars, flaws and all because that what makes you beautiful.
2. Focus on what you need rather than what you want. Your needs will help center and ground you
3. Practice Self-care. Take time to yourself and give yourself what you need. This can be a long bath, an afternoon with a good book, time doing what you like.
4. Stay away from negativity. Surround yourself with positive people who lift you up and don’t bring you down. You will find as you begin to find your center and your own self-acceptance some of your friends will become uncomfortable and the micro-aggressions will begin. Don’t allow it to set your boundaries and protect yourself.
5. Learn to say no without feeling guilty. As soon as you start setting your boundaries and saying no you will find out who your real friends are because your real friends will respect you and your boundaries a frenemy will try and make you feel guilty. Don’t fall for it you’re doing what you need to do for your well-being.
6. Live with intention. Set your intention and stay focused on it. If your intention is to be healthier don’t put yourself in a situation where you will be tempted. If you are focused on changing your career and/or going back to school take the steps necessary to move forward and obtain those goals. By doing this you will be happier with yourself.
7. Most importantly become mindful. Work on yourself to the point that you are fully aware of what you are thinking, feeling, and wanting and act on it.

Through all of this don’t let others undermine you or your intent, and don’t engage with them. After all, we all know that everyone has an opinion.

So, it’s January 3^rd and I’ve been seeing all the posts about the New Year. You’ve got the “New Year New Me!” movement and then you’ve got the “New Year. Same ole me” post. Personally, I’m going for the WIP – Work in Progress, because I am always working on myself. I focus each and every day to be better than I was yesterday. I keep a constant list of things that I want to achieve and I have realized that my list will never be complete and I’m ok with that. Five years ago, that statement would have raised my anxiety I would have felt as if I was running out of time and I haven’t done enough with my life and that would have led to some negative talk. I now embrace my WIP status. I hope to never stop learning and growing. For each item I mark off my list I add two more items on because there is always room for improvement and there will always be something I want to learn about. So if you’re a WIP like me embrace your curiosity and growth, you don’t need to start something new because you’re still moving forward.

 

Sanctuary – the dictionary defines sanctuary as “a place of refuge or safety”

Ahhh Christmas! Deck the Halls and Jingle the Bells!! Christmas is HERE!!! We always have a vision of the perfect Christmas in our heads of our home being warm and inviting and family peacefully coming together, and everyone being joyful and happy, and yes a sanctuary. But it’s nothing like that. We usually wait until the last minute to shop for gifts and every year we say to ourselves “Next year I’m going to start shopping earlier,” and then there’s the struggle of dragging the decor out of the attic. Then there is the search for that one manger or that one ornament that you just can’t find. Then there is the baking. The expectation is that you will create these amazing festive goodies that everyone will swoon over, and of course, they are nothing you have tried before, so that should be a winner (eye-roll). Then there is your home being overtaken by gifts, wrapping paper, and bags of flour, `sugar and décor. Before you know it, you are sitting in the middle of clutter with feeling overwhelmed, stressed, and anxious. Oh, and let’s not forget the negative talk that will rear its ugly head with the “what were you thinking, You’re not a baker? He is not going to like that gift? Why is your tree so bare? You need MORE décor? A wreath on the front door? That’s it? Did you not see your neighbor’s front lawn?” In the past, it has been hard for me to find my sanctuary during the holidays, with the hustle and bustle of the holiday season. But this year is different. This year I have actually scaled back and I don’t feel overwhelmed. The first thing I did was set up my extra room with two tables for gift wrapping and present making. Then I scaled back on my Christmas décor, you should have seen my family’s expressions. Instead of creating that mantle that is 6” deep in garland and candles and ornaments this year I went for four nutcrackers, the stockings, and the stocking holders. And speaking of nutcrackers I own over 200 of them and in the past, every one of them would be strategically placed around with house with the Christmas Village; but this year I only have ten nutcrackers on display and no Christmas Village. And you know what? My house still looks festive. Instead of baking 6 types of cookies and making a variety bag for my neighbors, I’m making 3 and they all have similar ingredients. And on the days that it becomes too overwhelming I go to my room (which I keep clean and neat because it is my sanctuary – unlike other rooms in my home filled with gifts, wrapping paper, amazon boxes, and goodies); I put my headphones on so I can drown everyone and everything out and for an hour and I decompress to some of my favorite meditation music (that I’m going to share with you). So if you’re feeling overwhelmed this holiday season make sure to take some time to yourself and find your sanctuary; if meditation is not your thing get a pedicure, go to the movies, get a massage, take a long hot bath, but do what you need to do for you so you can enjoy the holiday season.  Blessings to you and yours this holiday, Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Kwanzaa, and Happy New Year!